No: 51

Position: On-ball midfielder, resting forward

Nickname(s): Timmy el, Gordon, Gordo, Flash, Gaz

Occupation: Online Content Admin for www.colesonline.com.au

AFL Team: Sydney Swans (member since ’98)

What Club are you coming from?
All the way from the former North Kew Bears. The one and only player currently at Kew to have played for both clubs. Spent one year there before the two clubs merged.

Memory of first Kew FC game?
Had a lazy 20 goal win over Latrobe Uni at Vic Park and thought that the VAFA was a pretty easy league to be playing in

Have you ever been sent off in a game?
I do tend to mouth off a bit at the umpires during games and last year away at Hawthorn a dubious free kick was awarded against a teammate for what I thought was a shepherd but was interpreted as a holding the man decision against us. I puzzledly asked the ump from 10 metres away “Are you serious?” and from that he pulled out the yellow card and that was it. Sent off for three words.

You have a striking resemblance to Gary Ablett Jr.  After you win your 3rd Reserves B&F will you take the cash and move to the Gold Coast?
Look there is definitely some interests from the likes of Southport and Broadbeach up theri in South East Queensland, but I really like the attitude energy of the GWS Giants at the moment.  Plus I like Gaz Jnr and wouldn’t wouldn’t want to upstage him in both the looks and the skills department playing alongside of him.

Saying that, is it true that in the absence of an official vote count last year, you went home and staged a count of your own, to experience the full glory of your reserves Best and Fairest Win?
Yes there was a bit of a let down as far the vote count was concerned last year. The awards were annunced without any suspense or intrigue so it was only natuaral that I would take the votes and recreate a Brownlow type atmosphere as I won the award. Just to be reconfirm I has already stitched the award up by Round 8, thus only playing 3 more games in the twos and moving up to the seniors for the rest of the year (where I would finish 21st in their B&F).

Your job title is ‘Coles Website Content Manager’.  Does that mean you just surf the internet all day and hang with Curtis Stone?
The good thing about working for an Online company is that any time your are surfing the internet it is all in the name of ‘research’. We used to see a lot of Curtis Stone around the place, but now it is more of the Dawn French. 

This year it seems you have a bit of competition with James Consadine for the head photographer position at the club.  I noticed his camera lens is bigger than yours, are you intimidated by that? What else does he have that is bigger than you?
Jimmy has been a welcome addition to both the team and the club this year. It is great to have photos available to host online after each game. I do hear though that the 400 odd photos he puts up each week are not cutting it and he might need to double the number
He does have an impressively sized lens on him and it easily outdoes my big efforts. Probably the only other thing he has bigger than me at this stage  is his torpedo.

You said the Swans wouldn’t lose a game before the bye.  They now have 2 losses by round 7 (including 1 to the tigers), how do you think the Swans are shaping up now?
It’s not easy being a Swans fan in Melbourne, especially when you have so many Carlton, Hawthorn and Richmond imbeciles talking up their chances pre season. So when your team is hot you ride it while you can. I’m fully confident after coming off a bye this week (Demons) that we can knock off the Saints, Dogs and Bombers to be pushing for that top four spot we deserve.

You have the liberty of altering everyone’s answers prior to publishing it on the website.  Does this sense of empowerment affect the ego, or do you remain grounded?
Up and till now I have remained grounded and very much a team player, supporting the integrity of our online media, BUT that could all go out the window when we launch KEW FC Memes.  

There was an appearance of a mystery lady at the ground a few weeks ago.  What is her name and more importantly does she have any single friends or sisters?
Yes, I did get a bit busy off the field this pre season and managed to meet a beautiful young lady named Carly, who is now a huge Bears fan. She lives in Richmond with three female housemates in their early 20s, so I’ve been talking up the social events at the KFC so boys don’t let me down (One of them may have already commented on Brazzale’s player profile pic on Facebook).

Who is Kew FC’s most eligible bachelor (now that you are off the market)
I have shared the player profile photos around to a few young ladies and the consensus seems to be that the blonde Sam Healey may be just a bit of allright.

Seniors

Kew 10.12-72 defeated Powerhouse 4.12.36

Goal Kickers: M. Bailey 2, K. Gannon 2, T. Black 2, J. Bolding 2, A. Brazzale , E. Roberts
Best Players: J. Keeble, E. Roberts, T. Black, J. Bolding, T. Bagnall, K. Gannon

Reserves

Kew 22.11.143 defeated Powerhouse 1.1.7

Goal Kickers: C. Watts 6, T. Ellis 3, N. Sweetland 3, A. Davey , S. Norman , D. Abel , W. Delbridge , A. Carman , E. Higgs , N. Rohrt , N. Zaher , K. Allen , J. Dammenhayn
Best Players: N. Rohrt, R. Cook, J. Dammenhayn, D. Abel, E. Higgs, S. Norman

Thirds

Kew 6.10.46 defeated by Therry Penola 21.6.132

Goal Kickers: S. Tyson , B. Spitzer , M. Hill , A. Quinn , D. Cahill , D. Ronan
Best Players: B. Spitzer, M. Hill, A. Quinn, D. Ronan, S. Tyson, A. Acfield

No.:

Position: Centre

Nickname(s): Jokka, Joffa, Strap, Amrosi, Chaffule, Pigsy, CP, Colin

Occupation: Mechanical Engineer

AFL Team: Collingwood 

What Club are you coming from?
Take your pick. Mulwala, Swinburne, Tooronga-Malvern, Montmorency. I like to share myself around. You can never have enough training jumpers

Memory of first Kew FC game?
Running back with the flight of the ball for a mark and taking out the guy coming the other way. Was pretty happy with my efforts. Unfortunately it was DGL (Darcy Galaghler Lyon). Don’t think I’ve seen him play a game since…

Have you ever been sent off in a game?
Indeed. I got an enforced spell out at Lillydale last year

As such, how many times do you need to be punched in the head before you can throw one back?
I was quickly informed that 10 is the going rate. Probably depends on if your teammate is about to take a shot at goal to put you in front late in the last quarter and you can’t really afford to have it reversed. Definitely don’t cash in after 5, and if you do don’t get caught

Why are you called Jokka and who is Colin?
Explain. Jokka is pretty straight forward. Younger brother and sister had trouble saying Lock in their infancy and Jock was as close as it got. As with most nicknames you need it to finish with a vowel and for an extra country/bogan touch I decided to misspell it with the double “k”. As for this Colin bloke I’ve never met the guy personally. Some guys I was travelling with met him in Ibiza back in 2007. I’ve heard that he looks a lot like me, generally appears after 10pm over the weekends, fancies himself on the karaoke and carves up the dance floor in practically any attire or lack thereof. Funnily enough Col is Loc backwards

How many premierships have you won over your illustrious career?
I’ve been lucky enough to win 6 (lost 4). I’ve got a 10 year reunion for a 2’s one later this year which makes me feel a bit old, but my most recent one was actually against Woolie back in 06. Hopefully we can take him that next step this year. Its something that you’ll always remember.

You lived in Germany for a while, what AFL team did you play for, and how was the standard?  More importantly, were they as good as Kew FC are off the field?
I had a run with the Munich Kangaroos for a season. The standard was pretty ordinary but it was good fun and a great way to meet people. We went down in the grand final. There were some pretty taxing away trips. 8 hours on a train to Berlin and Hamburg were probably the longest. Fortunately you’re allowed to BYO on the German public transport system. Our end of year break-up was on the last Saturday of Oktoberfest with a couple of tables on the upper level of the Augustina Beer Hall so it’s fair to say they had a crack. Having said that I think with this years injection of youth the Bear Cave could bring an old guy like myself out of hibernation

Red Bull Can? You once described yourself as similar to one.  Can you explain why?
Someone else actually said some of my dimensions reminded them of a Red Bull can. I’m guessing they meant I’m a bit smaller than normal.

Have you found your wallet that you lost on the Friday night before Round 18 last year.  If yes, where was it, and was it worth it?
It was actually my phone. It was well in need of an upgrade hence the fact that the lovely young lady that found it decided to get in contact and hand it back. We were playing out at Yarra Valley when I was informed it had been found and told I’d either have to pick it up within the hour or go past the bar she worked at that evening. Conveniently it coincided with our last game of the year and the boys were keen to head out so I asked if she could arrange for a group of us to come in. Remarkably enough she worked at a classy establishment on King St and we got half price entry. I’m still not exactly sure where she found it though…

You aren’t the quickest bloke at the club. Bearing that in mind who would win a 100 metre sprint out of you, Blackey, Bucks, Chad and Normo?  Would the order change if there was a keg at the finish line?
Jeez you’d have to back Blackey (Tyler or Elton) but if you had to polish the keg at the finish line I’d have my money on Normie. He tips them in at an alarming rate. I’ve seen some quick drinkers underestimate him and end up home early. I swear he has no gag reflex. Could do a Red Bull with ease

When you were 16, you had a girlfriend that looked Ronald McDonald that drove you around in a bright yellow late model ford.  True or False.
The hair was definitely Ronald but the physique was more like Grimace. She was obviously a bit older but it was very handy having a personal taxi at that age, especially out in the bush. But it all ended after the investigation and I was disappointed to find out that one of my mates had a crack at her afterwards. Not something you would expect from a good mate. Kind of like getting dropped I guess

Who is Kew’s most eligible bachelor?
It’s something I’d probably like to comment on later in the year once I establish who is actually on the market. I would have said Balmey early, but after a revelations of a sleepover at an ex’s recently I think he may have some issues. I guess we’ll find out on Flight Night

Seniors

Kew 6.8-44 def by Ivanhoe 14.14-98

Goal Kickers: A. Brazzale 3, J. Fidanza , T. Black , J. Bolding
Best Players: M. Henderson, J. Newmarch, E. Roberts, M. Matheson, G. Filsell, T. Black

Reserves

Kew  11.8-74 defeated Ivanhoe 3.7-25

Goal Kickers: B. Scott 3, A. Smith 3, N. Sweetland 2, R. SPILLANE , A. Carman , M. Bailey
Best Players: B. Scott, R. Israel, M. Bailey, B. Condon, T. Ellis, A. Carman

Thirds

Kew 9.10-64 defeated Old Paradians 8.8-56

Goal Kickers: S. Coles 2, B. Spitzer 2, N. Perrone , M. Hill , A. Youssef , A. Quinn , E. Willcocks
Best Players: B. Spitzer, S. HEALEY, A. Quinn, M. Hill, A. Youssef, D. Facciolo

No.:  20

Position:  I (like to think I) break the stereotype of the lumbering, unskilled Ruckman.

Nickname(s):  Mostly just ‘Ackers’ these days, but over the years ‘Double A’ and even ‘Hilux’ for a while (because yes, I am unbreakable).

Occupation:  Aerospace Engineer (nothing to do with paddle waving Hendo).

AFL Team:  Essendon

What Club are you coming from?  
No previous club, just school footy before coming to Kew.

Memory of first Kew FC game?
As a 17 year-old, I was made to wait until round 7 before debuting against Westbourne.  Played two quarters out of the forward pocket (both against the howling Hoppers Crossing gale), slotted a lazy three straight… and got dropped the next week.

Have you ever been sent off in a game?  
Had an unblemished record until last year against Power House, where I managed to get put in a head-lock by my opponent and subsequently sent off for it (thanks Matty Jack).

Despite your denial, it has been clearly established that you pass your time waving paddles for incoming planes at Tullamarine airport.  Has your hat (or arm) ever blown off from waving the paddles on the runway?  Firstly Hendo, the Marshalls are on the apron, not the runway.  Secondly, with the grooving on the runway, if I were to ever set foot on it, I’d be sure to roll an ankle.

You may be Kew FC’s unofficial Yoga Instructor, however, are you certified by the Yoga Institute of Australia?  
Not sure where this tag came from, I’m pretty sure I am the least flexible person to have graced the green Earth.  I do have a strict pre-game / pre-training routine which, yes, does have a minor stretching element but that’s as far as I’ll comment on the matter.

Your ankle braces look like they have come straight out of the 1900’s prior to the establishment of common sense.  You can’t actually think they are helping you?  Surely, they are responsible for your ankle problems?
They are the original braces I’ve had since I started (which was in the 1900’s), so quite possibly.

Should Cocky give up football to pursue a modelling career in Paris or New York?  There are rumours he has been approached.
I think Cocky’s probably a bit past it these days.  At jumper presentation he was well and truly out-shone by some of the younger lads in those skinny jeans and One-Direction hairstyles the kids are wearing these days, time to give up on the modelling aspirations and concentrate on his footy.

Is it true that your toughest moment in footy came in the preseason camp last year, when you ran into a bush and fell over?  
The story has been told and re-told so many times now, I’m not sure which parts are truth and which are legend anymore, but I’ll do my best…  I think it was hailing at the time and the mighty Team Yellow were machete-ing our way at great pace through amazon-style jungle, into a 50 knot squall.  Nearing the end of the course, a good 12 or 15 minutes faster than Aaron’s Team Blue, I tripped on a giant (and probably venomous) snake.  Needing to protect my valuable ruck tapping hands, I cleverly braced my fall with my head, which took the brunt of the sharp pruned end of a solid redwood.  Dazed for a while and losing blood, I did manage to stagger out of the jungle (still quicker than Aaron) and was taken to Frankston Hospital, which was actually the scariest part of the whole incident.  After 26 hours of touch-and-go emergency surgery and over 100 stitches, I was right to play the following week.  Unfortunately Timmy Ellis was part of Team Yellow so he didn’t get a chance to take any photographic evidence, but I’m pretty sure that’s close to how it went.

You have been quoted as saying you are Kew FC’s best tap Ruckman.  When the time comes for Beaser to force you into retirement (like he did Glen Twenty), do you think you can comfortably fulfill the part time coaching role as Kew FC’s rucking coach?  
I don’t think that’s an accurate quote Hendo, pretty sure I said “best ever”.  But seriously, it’s great to have had a lot of really good young additions to our ruck stocks over the last couple of years, think I’ll give the coaching role a miss, but with fewer games ahead of me than behind, am always happy to try and pass on any knowledge.

Is it true that you stay at home with the woman and watch “Will and Grace”?
If I ever get control of the remote, I’m more of a “Better Homes” man, can’t believe it was bumped from Fridays by the footy – Channel 7 are a disgrace!

How long do you think Scotty Norman can keep playing himself up forward, surely the clock is ticking?
I saw him in the rooms at half-time last week offering Braz a few tips, looks like he’s there for the long haul.

Who is Kew’s most eligible bachelor?  
I think the general consensus is Leedsy, seems he’s the Nick Tinetti of 2010s.  Maybe we should have a ceremonial handing on of the black book, ala Bongo’s jumper?